As usual the original is in italics.
Brussels, 7th April 2013
The European Commission welcomes that, following the decision of the Portuguese Constitutional Court on the 2013 state budget, the Portuguese Government has confirmed its commitment to the adjustment programme, including its fiscal targets and timeline. Any departure from the programme's objectives, or their re-negotiation, would in fact neutralise the efforts already made and achieved by the Portuguese citizens, namely the growing investor confidence in Portugal, and prolong the difficulties from the adjustment.
We are totally stunned. Are they mad? Haven't they seen what we have done to Cyprus? At least their Government realise what it means. This is like stopping the antibiotics early, the infection is going to come back even stronger and kill them - and probably us.
The Commission therefore trusts that the Portuguese Government will swiftly identify the measures necessary to adapt the 2013 budget in a way that respects the revised fiscal target as requested by the Portuguese Government and supported by the Troika in the 7th review of the programme.
The Commission therefore make's it abundantly clear. Identify what went wrong, eliminate the problem and continue taking the foul medicine in the doses prescribed by Dr. Troika.
Continued and determined implementation of the programme offers the best way to restore sustainable economic growth and to improve employment opportunities in Portugal. At the same time, it is a precondition for a decision on the lengthening of the maturities of the financial assistance to Portugal, which would facilitate Portugal's return to the financial markets and the attainment of the programme's objectives. The Commission supports that such a decision be taken soon.
Continued and determined implementation of the programme is your only choice as the only other people willing to lend to you will have names like "Big Joe" and interest rates that make payday loans look like Japanese monetary policy. You have twenty seconds to comply. (See annex 1)
The Commission will continue to work constructively with the Portuguese authorities within the parameters agreed to alleviate the social consequences of the crisis.
The Commission will continue to work constructively with the Portuguese authorities and if things get tougher we will be sending aid. Namely 17,000 portions of Ikea Moose Lasagne we found going cheap (or rather "oink"). After that, any alleviation of social consequences will probably involve water-cannon.
The Commission reiterates that a strong consensus around the programme will contribute to its successful implementation. In this respect, it is essential that Portugal's key political institutions are united in their support.
If you all agree to this it will be easy. If you don't then, well, you remember "Robocop"? We once again suggest that you comply within twenty seconds.
Annex 1 - Eurogroup Plan for necessary adjustments to indebted European countries threatening to disrupt the success of the Eurozone as implemented with
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