If TMM ran Europe

There is a Carlsberg advertising theme that has been running for years that is on the lines of  "If Carlsberg did xyz" followed by some Utopian version of xyz. We don't know if it's our desire for a cool lager or the mess in Europe that has triggered us to do our own version, but here it is.

If TMM ran Europe

- London would be where Cannes is.
- The European Parliament would be in Athens.
- Current political leadership of Eurostriches would be freed onto the African plains.
- New political reps would have votes allocated on issues dynamically by "Likes"or "Followers".
- Switzerland would be included and stop pretending.
- UK would leave the EU and join NAFTA.
- The ECB would be in Bangalore.
- Policy makers would sit on trap-doors over shark tanks on 1 min time triggers only over-ridden by them making a decision.
- "Ocean Finance" would consult Spain.
- The Bundesbank would be a water park.
- Greece would discover oil (but only enough to pay their debts).
- Mediterranean resorts would be pegged to beer prices.
- Health and safety would be left to Darwinian selection.
- Pan-European mobile phone calls would be at "local" prices.
- OCD suffers would be moved to Naples.
- Fruit would be misshapen.
- Human rights wouldn't contradict common sense.
- Coffee prices would be capped at E1.50 a cup but at 50cents in Paris, Switzerland and Venice.
- Eurovision song contest votes would be weighted by debt/gdp.
- Lying about your finances would be a capital offense.
- Day-Glo liqueurs would taste as good at home as they did at 1am on holiday.
- Pedestrians and cyclists would be as punishable as car drivers for accidents.
- Pension schemes, casinos and "Dignitas" would be run as one.
- Germany would be made to play Santa at Xmas.